The 10 Guideposts to Cultivating Vulnerability in the City
Let’s face it. Life in the city can be hard. Especially in an entertainment based city like Los Angeles. Where people move to pursue a career based around how vulnerable they can be in front of a camera or an audience. Art is vulnerable work! You are presenting your gift, this precious thing that you have nurtured and cared for most of your life, in front of a sea of critics. As a person who writes music and sings, it had me wondering, what is a healthy way to engage in vulnerability on and off stage?
After mulling around this question for probably way longer than a blog needed, I decided the first step would be to define vulnerability. You may not be breathing if you haven’t heard of Brené Brown while researching vulnerability. The queen of shame research, Brené was led to vulnerability in her quest to understanding the roots of shame. Below is her definition of vulnerability:
“The definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. But vulnerability is not weakness; it's our most accurate measure of courage. When the barrier is our belief about vulnerability, the question becomes: 'Are we willing to show up and be seen when we can't control the outcome?' When the barrier to vulnerability is about safety, the question becomes: 'Are we willing to create courageous spaces so we can be fully seen?”
So there it is. No escape routes around it. No loopholes. A life worth living is a life of vulnerability, fully seen in exactly who you are, on and off stage. Shame tells you that you ARE bad, guilt tells you that what you DID was bad. A bad performance isn’t necessarily grounds for a guilty conscious, but this logic can also be applied to the making and presenting of art. After a bad performance, shame will tell you that you are a bad artist. Shame will tell you that you’ll never be good enough to perform. These are not truths. The healthy way to process these moments in vulnerability is to take a day to yourself. Fill yourself back up and do something lifegiving and fun. Then after a day or two has passed, give yourself some healthy feedback on areas of growth. Always, always be gentle with yourself.
In her quest to understand shame resiliency and a life of vulnerability, Brené created 10 guideposts to Whole Hearted Living after interviewing people she saw living these lives. I’ve found it incredibly helpful to bounce back to these guidelines when I feel like I’m slipping away from a life of vulnerability.
Cultivating Authenticity and letting go of what other people think.
Cultivating Self-Compassion and letting go of perfectionism.
Cultivating your resilient spirit and letting go of numbing and powerlessness.
Cultivating gratitude and joy and letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
Cultivating intuition and trusting faith and letting of of the need for certainty
Cultivating creativity and letting go of comparison
Cultivating play and rest and letting go of exhaustion as status symbol of productivity and self worth
Cultivating calm and stillness and letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
Cultivating meaningful work and letting go of self-doubt and “supposed-to”
Cultivating laughter, song, and dance and letting go of “cool” and always in control
So take another minute to look back through this list and take inventory. Look at the areas you feel like you’re already embodying and give yourself some kudos for that. Then take a look at the areas you could work on. As an artist, number 6 always hits me the hardest, ‘Cultivating creativity and letting go of comparison.’ I won’t even begin to downplay the struggle it is to stop comparing yourself to other artists, but perhaps rewording this guidepost could help, “ Comparison is the killer of Creativity.” If you want to create, you really do have to stop comparing and trust the gift that has been given to you specifically.
I’ve only scratched the surface on the very big issue of vulnerability in life and in the city but I’ve realized that a life worth living is a life of vulnerability. It will most assuredly be hard but it has proven to always be worth it.
If you want to get started on the journey, I recommend reading Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown first, then work your way through her list of books. She builds off of the book she wrote previously and each one leads to a greater understanding of yourself, the power of shame resiliency and the reward of a life lived in vulnerability.