7 Steps for Changing a Habit You Formed During COVID
We’ve said it enough times by now, 2020 has been one helluva year. We started the year off in January with losing one of the best basketball players of all time, and his daughter. Losing Kobe and Gianna and the rest of the people on board the helicopter was a devastating loss to the LA community and abroad. And you remember how the rest goes. This year has brought tragedies and challenges we never imagined we’d be facing. Coping mechanisms are an easy go-to during a time like this and it’s ok to need a couple more episodes of that funny show you’re watching on Netflix if you need the laugh. Or a glass of wine after the workday. But the longer this is drawn out, the more we’re realizing we have to adjust to this new reality and find new and sustainable rhythms for life. Chief among these new rhythms and changes is our need to be extremely gentle with ourselves. A carousel Instagram post I read just a couple of weeks after we were ordered to stay at home reminded me of the need for a gentle approach in caring for myself during these new and challenging times:
Those “all over the place” feelings you’ve been having? These are symptoms of stress, NOT personal failures of yours.
Do you feel flakey and inconsistent? That’s because your brain doesn’t know what news to brace for next, or what next month will hold.
Tired easily? That’s because your brain is burning your energy 10x faster than usual
Can’t seem to focus? That’s because your brain has temporarily shut down some functionality in your prefrontal cortex- the part that juggles complex tasks and planning - due to the stress response.
Feeling creatively blocked? That’s because your brain is temporarily diverted all its creativity (aka ability to solve novel problems) to “how do I avoid dying?” while in a narrowed, slow burn, fight-or-flight state.
Suddenly don’t give AF about future-based goals, projects, or dreams like you used to? That’s because your brain knows being short-sighted is a safer way to cope right now.
Your plans, creativity, energy, focus+ motivation are on a YO-YO right now because your brain believes you need to be EXTREMELY ADAPTIVE. You will not be on this roller coaster forever. Be patient with your brain.
Even as we develop new research and adapt in little ways to the current state of our world and country, we’re still not immune to the constant changes this virus is bringing us. We can’t change or control the world around us, but we can start with ourselves. Gently and slowly, even with the smallest of baby steps. Here are 7 steps to start this change.
Be self-compassionate - Read through the quote above again and remind yourself of what an extraordinarily difficult time we’re in as a collective community. And habits are hard to break. We unknowingly fall into habits in our daily routine. Most of them are good habits that free up the mind to find creative solutions for new problems that arise. However, the brain does not differentiate between the good and the bad, so once it’s a habit, it’s in the automatic pile. Be gentle with yourself as you work to break the bad ones.
Identify the underlying problem - All habits serve a greater need, the good and the bad. Washing your face daily prevents breakouts. You wash your face because you need to keep your skin clean and clear to prevent pimples. Bad habits are no different. You may over drink because of social anxiety. You may be grabbing for that 2nd or 3rd glass of wine to numb something. Identify what those root issues so that you can actually assess the problem to help create the change you need.
Write it Down - Studies show that you are 42% MORE likely to achieve a goal when you write it down. If you need the extra push, try writing them down twice a day, once in the morning when you wake up and once at night before you go to bed. This will create value around these changes by thinking about them first thing in the morning and right before you fall asleep.
Let Someone In - As the great Brene Brown says in many, if not all, of her books, we are hard-wired for connection as human beings. Not only do we crave the connection, but many recovery groups also encourage them as well. Whether it be an individual sponsor, group therapy, or your own therapist, it is not easy to weather things on our own. This will help lighten the burden and also keep you accountable for your changes.
Create Attainable Goals - If you’ve ever been in a season of trying to get back into the rhythm of working out, you’ll know that baby steps are crucial. If you’re trying to work yourself up to running a mile, you know you can’t step out the door after not running for a year, crush a mile, and continue to do so every day. Often times we sabotage our goals by creating unattainable goal markers. If you try and run a quick mile the first day back, you’ll just as quickly stop running altogether. Create attainable goals in your habit-changing as well.
Repetition - There has been a saying for as long as I can remember stating it takes 7 days to form a habit and 21 days to change it. Recent studies have shown that it takes closer to 66 days to change a bad habit and reform a new one. It’s not going to be a quick process so getting reps in will help get you closer to the end.
Allow Yourself Some Slips - No one is perfect and changing habits are not an easy or quick process. Cut yourself some slack and know that you will have some ups and downs. The most important thing to remember is that you are doing this for you, at your pace, for your growth and sustainability.